Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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