His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
