Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
