went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
