Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
