I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
