i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
