is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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