I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
