I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
