I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
