It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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