Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
