All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't deserve a penis
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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