I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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