Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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