Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You can't motorboat a personality
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
