I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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