Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
