If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
