As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
