I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
