I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
