I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
