Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
