when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
