Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
