the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
