So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
