RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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