nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
