I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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