ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
