No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
