Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
