Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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