please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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