The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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