you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
