i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
