it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
