I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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