I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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