Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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