That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
