his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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