...so i touched it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
