Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
