this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
