this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
