i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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