I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
